there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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