Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
