The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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