I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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