Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
