It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he thought i was a dude.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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