she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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