you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize