Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
