I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
