Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
