I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
