No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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