as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
