Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Randomize
