a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
