I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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