Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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