Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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