I think I am morally bankrupt
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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