Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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