i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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