I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
