Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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