I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
