I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
