You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
