Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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