If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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