no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
