Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize