I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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