**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
