Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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