i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
