either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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