I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
