Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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