dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
