Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
