I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
