I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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