Your tits are I can't wait for
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize