so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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