So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
