Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
