The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
