i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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