You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
