Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
