I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
