You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
