That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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