how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They took my balls.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
