how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
