We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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