she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
