you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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