remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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