what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
