he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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