I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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