ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
