Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Life is so much better after having sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
