so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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