I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
