I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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