Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
