theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
