Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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