i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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