Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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