then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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