Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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