Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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