Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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