I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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