I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
